Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
About Varied / Student Premium Member LukaFemale/United States Groups :icondeviantfur: deviantFUR
Devious Furries
Recent Activity
Deviant for 5 Years
9 Month Premium Membership
Statistics 663 Deviations 5,781 Comments 17,579 Pageviews

Newest Deviations

If I'm making a commission sheet, it's better to.... 

6 deviants said Use all different drawings for each commission type/coloring style
4 deviants said Use a single drawing and color it a bunch of different ways to show the differences between each commission type
1 deviant said Something else... (Comment?)


Aki-rain's Profile Picture
Artist | Student | Varied
United States
Adorable icon by TwilightSaint
Contest Prize - Feathers of Gold by TwilightSaint

I find traditional art more fun than digital art, so though I do a lot of digital art, I consider myself more of a traditional artist. :dummy:

Though they don't appear often in my work, I really enjoy drawing fish and chains, and some other odd objects.

I'm also a cosplayer, though I'm fairly new to it and still trying to work out make-up and all the more complicated things. But I would love to find some new cosplay friends~

Feel free to ask any questions ^^

I am also Aki-rain on: FurAffinity, Pixiv, Piapro, Weasyl

Where am I going with this?

Journal Entry: Fri Jul 24, 2015, 9:29 AM
I have no idea where I'm supposed to be going with my art

People keep giving me conflicting advice, and that advice conflicts with what I've learned from observation, like someone will tell me "You should be doing it this way" when that's what I did before and someone told me not to so I thought I was doing better by changing it
And then I think I finally observe the right way to do it from real life or other art or whatever and no, apparently that's wrong too!

I'm just trying to build up a recognizable style because apparently that makes you a successful illustrator and I know my style isn't unique at all but every time I make some sort of venture, I'm told it's wrong

I thought I was on a good track because I've been working hard and consistently on my art for the past several years and I thought I was ahead by participating in conventions, but suddenly everyone around me close to my age is experienced with conventions and is able to make a profit and has already moved onto the larger ones, when I was so proud of "Hey, if you don't count the gas money, I broke even this time!"

And I feel like I don't have long before I have to be self-sufficient in some way but I'm lucky if I get any commissions at all and they're already sorely underpriced and people don't read. Apparently people thought my commissions opened the day I posted the visual information sheet even though I've been posting a link to a journal that says "OPEN Commission Information" in EVERY SINGLE UPLOAD

Maybe nobody just cares enough
It's probably my fault for caring more about others than they do about me, and I know I have some wonderful close friends on here who return that caring and it makes me so happy
But then I extend that expectation to everyone and just get disappointed

I thought I was doing pretty good but people around me somehow manage, and I thought it was just a fluke that one time someone in my class in college got a $350 commission, but I just heard again about a whole other person who got two $350 commissions and at first I saw her art and thought she was a master or something because it was so realistic but then I thought I recognized her name and WAIT she's not an art teacher or anything, she's in the facebook group for my college class!

And I'm so happy if I can raise $80 but maybe I shouldn't be

People say not to compare myself but how can I not when people around me are going to do that when they're looking for something to commission or buy from the artists alley

I can put so much effort into somethig and it just goes unnoticed
I just redid one of the most popular pieces in my gallery and you'd think it would get a lot more attention if it was drawn better but people just don't seem to notice this time around
I'll be lucky if it gets up to the same number of views and favorites even though I've apparently improved exponentially
(Yeah, I'm proud of my old drawing with 60 favorites. That's a major achievement for me)

But I don't know where I'm going and I hate uncertainty
I wish I could talk to my family about my stress and I wish I could trust them but all they ever do to me is make negative comments and think I'm worrying about stupid things and they feel so distant from me and I hate it but I also feel like they're bringing it upon themselves because I've been sworn at and my concerns have been brushed off as silly and I've been yelled and and told that they hate me too many times
Maybe it's a good thing that I'm moving so far away
But it takes so much energy to pretend that nothing is wrong because if I tell them what's wrong they'll just make me feel worse like they always do
And if I don't tell them but they can see something's wrong anyway, that might just distance them more because they'll know I'm not telling them something

I just wish all my stress would go away.  I would do vent art but I'm terrible at expressing emotion in my work and even if I did it wouldn't match what I was feeling and wouldn't help me feel better and people don't want to see vent art anyway

I've been seeing a therapist but I don't have time to explain all of this and I'll be leaving in less than two months anyway
And when I breathe deeply  i just feel like crying
But maybe that's a good thing because I can't normally cry even if I want to

I wish someone cared enough to help and knew what to do but I don't even know what would make me feel better
(And please don't comment just to say "but your art is amazing!" Because right now that's only going to make me more stressed and confused)
Sorry for my lack of punctuation, I felt like anything other than stream of consciousness would be too controlled

  • Mood: Defeated



Add a Comment:
atomicranchgal Featured By Owner 4 days ago  Professional Photographer
Thanks for the fave!
AcoShy-Sama Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2015  New Deviant

That owl costume is fabulous 
Aki-rain Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2015  Student General Artist
xD Thank you! *tries to revive* YuPuffin made it though; I don't sew very well yet.
AcoShy-Sama Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2015  New Deviant
Do you even puff bro? :o

She did an awesome job. ^.^ 

Still laughing tho love it.~
Aki-rain Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2015  Student General Artist
xD Thanks again!
Char10tte Featured By Owner May 31, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thanks for the fave, I appreciate it!
Razonadux Featured By Owner May 28, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Incredible art you've got here! c:
Aki-rain Featured By Owner May 28, 2015  Student General Artist
Thank you! :D
shmekldorf Featured By Owner May 17, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks so much for watching me!
Aki-rain Featured By Owner May 17, 2015  Student General Artist
You're welcome! It was great seeing your work at Ba-Con.
Add a Comment: